If I asked you where you were September 11, 2001, most, if not everyone of you can answer with specifics. It's so interesting how vividly tragic days play out in our minds over and over again. April 11, 2005 plays out in my mind more often than I like. It was a normal Monday or so it seemed, until my world was shattered.
That specific Monday morning I remember my family rushing around the house, all of us trying to get out the door. My dad left first then my mom and sister headed off to the elementary school. That left my brother and I. We had become very close that year, with both of us being at the high school we spent a lot more time together. Every morning it was a struggle to get out of the house on time, Matt always seemed to forget something. This morning was not different at all, as we both ran out to the car I asked him "you have all your track stuff right." He shuffled around his bag and then hopped out of the car with his voice trailing off telling me that he forgot socks. I remember that instead of being irritated as I usually got I just laughed and thought, wow. We got to school that morning and parted our ways.
I didn't see him again until track practice that day. Track was another reason we had become so close. He was ranked top 2 in state for high jump and I was ranked in the top for both hurdle races. We decided to made a pack that we would train super hard that year and win our events, state champs! As I got to the track, I noticed my little sister was there which didn't happen very often. Matt and I both decided to tease her and chase her around, ( this was a regular occurrence) she was just way too fun to make mad!
*This picture was taken right before track practice on April 11th
For our workout that day we had to jog over to a nearby hill to do "hill runs". Usually on days like this my mom (who was our coach) would drive over to the hill and join us. However, that day, Matt and I convinced her to run with us. We were on a roll, first teasing our sister, then running behind our mom while singing an obnoxious jingle we made up ( "watch it wiggle see it jiggle, mommys butt"). What can I say we were immature :). When we got to the hill our workout was simple: 2 sets of 3. We all began the workout, my mom headed to the top of the hill for encouragement. Matt and his partner had just gotten done with their 1st set and headed down the hill as my group was just finishing up with ours. My group slowly started heading down the hill when it happened. Matt's partner began to scream! This was a scream of panic, so we all raced down the hill. It is so hard to type this, the memories are so vivid, flashing before my eyes. As I got to my brother, his body laid there on the ground at the bottom of the hill, foaming spit coming out of his mouth and his body twitching. I couldn't just stand there so I ran. I didn't know where to run or what to do, the others began CPR and I searched for help. About a quarter of a mile away was a park where a baseball team was practicing. Looking back they all must have thought I was crazy as I ran into the park screaming for anyone doctors or nurses or anyone who could help. Two men ran, jumped into their truck and drove to the scene. I am so thankful that they could be there with my mom as the ambulance arrived. I'm not going to lie, I couldn't make myself go back to where all the commotion was taking place, for fear of what I was going to see. I ran back to the track, I knew I had to find my sister. She was not too far away at her softball practice so I grabbed her and hugged her telling her to come with me. Just then a man from our church approached us and said that we needed to get to the hospital immediately. From his tone I knew that something was bad, terribly bad. We headed back up to the track where my aunt found us and whisked us away.
Once in the car my sister began to ask if Matthew was going to be all right. My Aunt told us that her phone had just died and we just needed to get there. I thank The Lord so much for the strength of my Aunt and how she handled the situation. Instead of showing any fear she just simply started praying, her and I prayed and prayed for the dreadful 30 min drive to the hospital.
As we ran into the emergency room someone took us back into a room, the room that you don't ever want to be taken back to. As we entered that room, I knew immediately that he was gone. However, my sister was so young and still confused, looking for answers. The short conversation that took place between her and my dad still echos in my mind. She looked around and said, "Is Matthew going to be ok?" My dad looked at her and replied, "Honey, Matthew died." That word, DIED... that one sentence made everything permanent and that sentence would echo in my head for days, months, even years after that dreadful day.
I could literally write for days about the next week of our lives, but for the sake of your eyes and not wanting to write a novel I will share a few experiences that touched me.
In that tiny room at the hospital I honestly felt the Holy Spirit overtake me. I was calm, I knew God had a plan and I knew that he was about to do big things. As the four of us drove away from the hospital, we passed one of Matts best friends. My dad stopped the car and we all got out to embrace one another, none of us could believe what had just taken place.
That night our family was overtaken with friends and family. Both my grandparents and my parents houses were overflowing with people who wanted to support us. It was incredible the support our family received. The next morning our entire town was covered in red white and blue along with signs that read, shower the Showers with red white and blue. Our town had shown so much love and support that we were completely blown away.
*This photo was taken only weeks before April 11th
On Saturday April 16th, we had Matthews memorial service. I will never forget the feeling I felt as my family and I walked into the church that day. There were thousands of people there to support us and show us their love. I wish that I could've thanked each and everyone of them. The best part of that service though still gives me the chills to this day. Our pastor presented the gospel and then gave everyone a chance to ask Jesus into their hearts. It was the moment he said "If a you said that prayer and asked Jesus into your life, would you please stand to show the Showers the impact Matt has made in your life." All around the building people stood, hundreds. It was at that exact moment I knew that God had taken Matthew for a reason and that reason was clear.
After the service everyone had left except close family and friends. Throughout this whole experience I was very adamant about not wanting to see my brothers body. Time was growing short and the mortuary man announcement that he was about to load the casket and we all needed to say our last goodbyes if wanted. I felt panicked. I didn't want to see my brother like this but it would be my last chance ever to see him. With two of my closest friends on either side of me we walked over to the casket. Almost immediately my legs collapsed. I was so thankful that Brian and Brandon were there to hold me up. Seeing my brother lying there in that casket was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. I tried to tell myself that that wasn't him, but it was him! It was the boy that I grew up with, the boy I told everything to and the boy that was my best friend. The only thing that gave me hope was knowing that his spirit was in Heaven loving life with Jesus!
To this day I still hear stories about the impact my 15 year old brother made and am in awe every time. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of my brother. I think about the things we missed experiencing with him: driving, prom, graduation, meeting my husband and my kids. To be honest, sometimes I get angry and and feel jipped. But then I remember all the lives that were saved because of him and that he is in heaven loving life. Thankfully, because of Jesus, it will only be a short time and will we meet again! And I can't wait!
"He gives and takes away, blessed by thy name."
