Happy Birthday Pey Pey!

I can't believe that it has been 2 year since our sweet little baby girl was born. Bringing her home, I never would've guessed how amazing, vibrant and spunky this little bundle of joy would someday become. The bond we share with her is unimaginable and I cannot begin to think of life without her in it. So here are 3 letters Dan, Caleb and I wrote to her as she celebrates her 2nd birthday:

Happy Birthday Pey!

I love you, I love you so much. You are the best sister ever. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday to Pey Pey, happy birthday to you.

Love, Caleb

To my sweet Pey Pey,

I cannot believe you are 2 already! These past 2 years have flown by and I have loved watching you grow into your little personality. Your smile and joy for life are already so contagious, you never cease to amaze me. You are one of the best gifts that God has given us. I am so lucky to call you my daughter.

 I love you so very much! Happy birthday sweet girl!

Love,

         Mom

Happy Birthday Papers,

It has been a wonderful 2 years having you around.  In fact, I cannot imagine this family without you as a part.  Your constant joy, adventuresome personality and overall sweet nature dispense so much life into our home.  I am also in constant awe of the effect you have on each human being you come into contact with.  Your personality is a gift from God designed to bring life into people's hearts.  I mostly want to say that I am so in love with you and extremely grateful for the way in which God placed you into our lives.  I can't wait to share in the adventures that lie ahead of you and watch you overcome the challenges placed before you.  Love you Pey... And happy 2nd birthday!

Affectionately, 

Dad

Blessings Through Raindrops

"Consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trails of many kinds, because the testing of your faith develops persevence so that you may be whole and complete not lacking in anything."

-James 1:2

 Dan recently was the guest speaker at our high school's baccalaureate and although he was speaking to the students, his message spoke to me as well. He told the story of Daniel and the choices he had to make through the adversity he was experiencing.  His 3 main points were: 1. Life will not go acorriding to your plan ( God's plans are so much better than our own) 2. How will you deal with adversity? 3. Are you going to change the culture or let the culture change you? Although I am not heading off to college ( oh how I wish I could visit those days again!) these points still apply to my life, and really everyone's lives. 

God and I have had some pretty hard talks lately and each time he reminds me that his will and timing are so much better than my own. I'm not going to sugar coat anything. I get angry at God and question why he does the things he does. Every time I feel as if I am drowning, he speaks into my life in amazing ways, reminding me that those who trust in the Lord will find new strength and soar high on wings like eagles.  They will run and not grown weary, will walk and not faint. This is why although I have experienced some difficult situations in life and in these times been angry at God, not once have I lost my trust or my faith in his plans. Through these trials, I feel as though I have come out stronger than ever in my love and faith in Jesus.  

We recently found out that my grandpa Showers has stage four colon cancer.  This was tough on our family and friends, leading us yet again to ask, "why?"  After talking with my grandpa today, telling each other story after story about what God is doing in each of our lives, and the people, conversations and miricles that keep on happening, it is so evident that our ways are not his ways. 

Thank you to all for giving us those conversations to share and for being our miracles.  A number of times recently, when I have been getting discouraged, I randomly find a powerful, encouraging message in my inbox. Thank you again for continuing to walk through this journey with us.  It may be a year or it may be 5 months, but before long we will have a little blessing in our arms I just know it! 

This song below powerfully conveys how so many times the blessings in our lives will come from difficult situations.

http://youtu.be/XQan9L3yXjc

*ADOPTION UPDATE: We just sent in a huge stack of paperwork to continue keeping the ball rolling, along with our first payment. 

Update...

I just wanted to give a quick update on the adoption front. We had a meeting with our agency on Wednesday.  It went well; however, it was also a bit overwhelming. I have to keep telling myself that with God all things are possible! I panic every time the cost for the adoption comes up. If you know me at all you know that I am extremely careful with money. I coupon, shop at thrift stores and never get anything but water when we go out, just to name a few of my antics. I love to figure out how to save in order to be comfortable with our income. This part of my life is a blessing and also a curse. I honestly get sick when thinking about how we are going to make this adoption work. So here is to trusting God and seeing miracles happen! We already have a few ideas for fundraisers and are 100% open to suggestions!  Already, we have seen God work through our story and are excited to see what else he is going to do. 

I will share our most recent story of how God is providing.  We briefly shared our story and desire to adopt and we set up a button for donations through PayPal.  Hesitantly, we created this button for those who wanted to help in a financial way. Dan and I hate and I mean HATE asking for help in this way, but we had been told that this was an effective way to raise funds for an adoption. We both were praying for God to either open doors or close them throughout this process. After about a week of no hits, I opened my email and there was a donation. This happened literally hours after I was on my knees praying for God to make it clear to us wether to pursue this route or not. The even crazier part was that this donation came from a young man whom we had only met once. He wrote us the nicest note and said that he had been adopted and after reading our story, he knew the impact we would make in this child's life and thanked us for adopting. We were shocked, thankful, and at that moment knew that this was something God wanted us to pursue.

Thank you for following us throughout our journey! I will keep you update!

Baby Wall #3

 This last week we have gone through a lot of mixed emotions... so many highs and so many lows. Dan and I started the adoption process through Christian Family Care agency! CFC is a non profit organization that helps adoptive families and birth moms through the adoption process using biblical principles. We are so excited about this process. The only scary thing is that adoption is so expensive! We are talking 12 to 20 thousand dollars. I would love to say that on Dan's teaching salary we can afford to adopt 5 kids; however, we aren't exactly rolling in the dough. :)  Although money is a huge hump in our journey, we have decided that despite the cost we are going to trust God throughout this process. Needless to say, we are so excited and already anticipating the arrival of baby Wall #3! We have already put hours and hours of prayer into this baby's life and trust the Lord and his timing. However, recently, the skeptics have appeared... Now I know that there will always be skeptics in whatever avenue you choose for your family. One of ours popped up in a recent conversation where we were told that maybe it wasn't a good idea for us to proceed with the adoption process because of our income. This conversation was extremely tough on me for a couple of reasons. One, I already have those fears of not having enough money to pay for an adoption.  And two, I can"t just pop kids out which is a major reason we wholeheartedly want to grow our family through adoption. It is so important to us to teach our children about the Lord and watch them make a difference in society. As a couple, Dan and I have decided that we do not want to pursue any type of fertility treatment because of the number of children in this world that need a good solid home. We have been pretty discouraged already with this process and just keep praying for God's will. We are laying every aspect of this adoption at His feet and we invite you to join us in this crazy journey. We have set up a page on gofundme.com and pray that this will be one of the ways God gives baby Wall #3 its home!  Help us spread the word and follow us as we add to our walls!

http://www.gofundme.com/81fcus

As we go through this journey, we not only pray for our baby but also the birth mom. This song is very touching! 

http://youtu.be/OPYaRJOWznk

Matthew

If I asked you where you were September 11, 2001, most, if not everyone of you can answer with specifics. It's so interesting how vividly tragic days play out in our minds over and over again. April 11, 2005 plays out in my mind more often than I like. It was a normal Monday or so it seemed, until my world was shattered.

That specific Monday morning I remember my family rushing around the house, all of us trying to get out the door. My dad left first then my mom and sister headed off to the elementary school.  That left my brother and I. We had become very close that year, with both of us being at the high school we spent a lot more time together. Every morning it was a struggle to get out of the house on time, Matt always seemed to forget something. This morning was not different at all, as we both ran out to the car I asked him "you have all your track stuff right." He shuffled around his bag and then hopped out of the car with his voice trailing off telling me that he forgot socks. I remember that instead of being irritated as I usually got I just laughed and thought, wow. We got to school that morning and parted our ways.

I didn't see him again until track practice that day. Track was another reason we had become so close. He was ranked top 2 in state for high jump and I was ranked in the top for both hurdle races. We decided to made a pack that we would train super hard that year and win our events, state champs! As I got to the track, I noticed my little sister was there which didn't happen very often. Matt and I both decided to tease her and chase her around, ( this was a regular occurrence) she was just way too fun to make mad! 

*This picture was taken right before track practice on April 11th 

For our workout that day we had to jog over to a nearby hill to do "hill runs". Usually on days like this my mom (who was our coach) would drive over to the hill and join us. However, that day, Matt and I convinced her to run with us.  We were on a roll, first teasing our sister, then running behind our mom while singing an obnoxious jingle we made up ( "watch it wiggle see it jiggle, mommys butt"). What can I say we were immature :). When we got to the hill our workout was simple: 2 sets of 3. We all began the workout, my mom headed to the top of the hill for encouragement. Matt and his partner had just gotten done with their 1st set and headed down the hill as my group was just finishing up with ours. My group slowly started heading down the hill when it happened. Matt's partner began to scream!  This was a scream of panic, so we all raced down the hill. It is so hard to type this, the memories are so vivid, flashing before my eyes. As I got to my brother, his body laid there on the ground at the bottom of the hill, foaming spit coming out of his mouth and his body twitching. I couldn't just stand there so I ran. I didn't know where to run or what to do, the others began CPR and I searched for help. About a quarter of a mile away was a park where a baseball team was practicing. Looking back they all must have thought I was crazy as I ran into the park screaming for anyone doctors or nurses or anyone who could help. Two men ran, jumped into their truck and drove to the scene.  I am so thankful that they could be there with my mom as the ambulance arrived. I'm not going to lie, I couldn't make myself go back to where all the commotion was taking place, for fear of what I was going to see. I ran back to the track, I knew I had to find my sister. She was not too far away at her softball practice so I grabbed her and hugged her telling her to come with me. Just then a man from our church approached us and said that we needed to get to the hospital immediately.  From his tone I knew that something was bad, terribly bad. We headed back up to the track where my aunt found us and whisked us away. 

Once in the car my sister began to ask if Matthew was going to be all right.  My Aunt told us that her phone had just died and we just needed to get there. I thank The Lord so much for the strength of my Aunt and how she handled the situation. Instead of showing any fear she just simply started praying, her and I prayed and prayed for the dreadful 30 min drive to the hospital. 

As we ran into the emergency room someone took us back into a room, the room that you don't ever want to be taken back to. As we entered that room, I knew immediately that he was gone.  However,  my sister was so young and still confused, looking for answers. The short conversation that took place between her and my dad still echos in my mind. She looked around and said, "Is Matthew going to be ok?"  My dad looked at her and replied, "Honey, Matthew died." That word, DIED... that one sentence made everything permanent and that sentence would echo in my head for days, months, even years after that dreadful day.

I could literally write for days about the next week of our lives, but for the sake of your eyes and not wanting to write a novel I will share a few experiences that touched me.

In that tiny room at the hospital I honestly felt the Holy Spirit overtake me. I was calm, I knew God had a plan and I knew that he was about to do big things. As the four of us drove away from the hospital, we passed one of Matts best friends.  My dad stopped the car and we all got out to embrace one another, none of us could believe what had just taken place. 

That night our family was overtaken with friends and family. Both my grandparents and my parents houses were overflowing with people who wanted to support us. It was incredible the support our family received. The next morning our entire town was covered in red white and blue along with signs that read, shower the Showers with red white and blue. Our town had shown so much love and support that we were completely blown away. 

*This photo was taken only weeks before April 11th

On Saturday April 16th, we had Matthews memorial service. I will never forget the feeling I felt as my family and I walked into the church that day. There were thousands of people there to support us and show us their love. I wish that I could've thanked each and everyone of them. The best part of that service though still gives me the chills to this day. Our pastor presented the gospel and then gave everyone a chance to ask Jesus into their hearts. It was the moment he said "If a you said that prayer and asked Jesus into your life, would you please stand to show the Showers the impact Matt has made in your life." All around the building people stood, hundreds.  It was at that exact moment I knew that God had taken Matthew for a reason and that reason was clear.

After the service everyone had left except close family and friends. Throughout this whole experience I was very adamant about not wanting to see my brothers body. Time was growing short and the mortuary man announcement that he was about to load the casket and we all needed to say our last goodbyes if wanted. I felt panicked.  I didn't want to see my brother like this but it would be my last chance ever to see him. With two of my closest friends on either side of me we walked over to the casket.  Almost immediately my legs collapsed. I was so thankful that Brian and Brandon were there to hold me up. Seeing my brother lying there in that casket was one of the hardest things I have ever experienced. I tried to tell myself that that wasn't him, but it was him! It was the boy that I grew up with, the boy I told everything to and the boy that was my best friend. The only thing that gave me hope was knowing that his spirit was in Heaven loving life with Jesus!

To this day I still hear stories about the impact my 15 year old brother made and am in awe every time. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of my brother. I think about the things we missed experiencing with him: driving, prom, graduation, meeting my husband and my kids. To be honest, sometimes I get angry and and feel jipped. But then I remember all the lives that were saved because of him and that he is in heaven loving life.  Thankfully, because of Jesus, it will only be a short time and will we meet again! And I can't wait!

"He gives and takes away, blessed by thy name."

Fantasies and Fears

Everyone has fantasies throughout their life; whether it be becoming a princess or superhero when you are young, or meeting Mr. or Ms. "Right", starting a family, with a house, a dog ecetera...when you are older. However, along with those fantasies comes fear.  Will Mr. "Right" ever come along, will I be able to support my family, so on and so forth. Let's face it, life is scary and it comes with so many "what ifs".

When Dan and I started the adoption process we only imagined the fantasy ending, where the child would be ours and there would be no other " parents" to speak of. We were both very adament about not wanting much to do with the birth parents.  Fear overrode our thoughts and we didn't even want to venture down that road of those "what ifs". More often than not I feel like the birth parents have a bad name. Don't  get me wrong I do know that there are instances that it is not in the best interest of the child to have contact with their birth parents; however, through our journey we have genuinely loved the relationship we share with Peyton's birth parents.

After we brought Peyton home we were still unsure of the relationship we wanted with her birth parents.  I sent them a few letters with pictures that first year but that was about the extent of it, Until October 2013.  Peyton was 17 months old and after much talk and prayer we decided to go down to Phoenix and visit them. My heart raced and I was so scared I didn't know how to act, what to say or where to even begin. Thankfully, before we got out of our car, Dan said a quick prayer and assured me that everything would be fine. Our visit went amazing and the conversation flowed freely. Peyton was pleasant, she gave her waves, blew kisses and all was good. 

After a few days of letting our meeting sink in, Dan and I began to discuss our thoughts. It was amazing what God had done to our hearts, both of us! We so much enjoyed our time and conversation with the two people who gave us their child, our miracle. Through our conversation we decided that these two people are as important as Peyton and our relationship with them might be a path for them to meet Jesus. Not only that, but how cool for Peyton to know where she came from and to see that these people love her, but are unable to care for her. So many times I see adopted children yearning to know their backstory and what life might have been like if the situation were different.  This lack of understanding sometime leads them to resent their adoptive parents. Open adoption may not be the best avenue for every situation, but it has been an unexpected gift for our family!

Today we headed down once again to meet with Peyton's birth parents.  We received an added bonus when my cousin brought her four kids as well. As I mentioned in an earlier post, my cousin has adopted 4 of Peyton's biological siblings.  All five kids were there and their birth parents seemed pretty happy.

The youngest two weren't loving the pictures but this wasn't the first picture those two weren't happy about. Check out this funny one from about a year and a half earlier!

All of this to say, that no matter what the situation might be, birth parents are humans as well.  Sure, we all make mistakes and that is why God sent Jesus to die for us. When situations in life with others seem hard or scary, just remember that you may be the only chance they have to experience Jesus.

Getting the word out

With anything in life you have choices, from the simplest things like what percent of milk you drink to the most important things like whether or not to have a relationship with Jesus. When it comes to adoption there are also so many choices and ways to pursue it. Dan and I have decided to open ourselves up to every avenue and then see what The Lord has in store for us.

For example, we are open to any race and any gender. The only thing we don't really want to fudge on is age. From the beginning we have felt that it is important to always have Caleb be our oldest, he is a natural first born and for the sake of us all we don't really want to mess with that one. There are also so many different avenues of adoption, from overseas to foster care and everything else in between. With each of theses avenues comes so many risks and emotions. But in the end when you have that wonderful gift in your arms it makes everything worth it.

When we first began the journey of adoption we started out by getting our foster license. With Dan being a teacher and me staying home this was the best way to start out our journey because we were able to have our classes and home study all for free. We received our license in November and eagerly anticipated that 1st call. We were sure that it wouldn't be very long because most of the people in our foster class were filling their homes soon after they were licensed. Now, I am so thankful we didn't receive any calls early in the process and that the few we did during that time didn't pan out.  It was that May when our  baby girl arrived( see the Peyton post).

Which brings me to why this post is called "getting the word out", Peyton's adoption was not through the state or through an agency, it was a private adoption. Private adoptions are when you cut out the middle man, which is a scary thing to most people. I wanted to start this blog not only because we wanted friends and family to walk with us through our journey, but because you never know how the Lord works. Maybe just maybe someone will know someone else who is looking for an adoptive family to love their child. By getting our names and hearts out there who knows what might happen. We are also not opposed to going through an agency and that just might be our next step.  We simply don't know when the next opportunity will present itself, but we are sure excited to see what is going to happen!

Thank you all for going through this journey with us, and we welcome you to join us in praying for God's perfect will to be done!

http://youtu.be/rAlE2EnUP5A